Dear Friends and Family,

As I wrote on my facebook page: In our lives we travel various roads and along the way we meet souls that effect us in many ways, 11 years ago I had to say good bye to one such soul, when I had to have my best friend Trapper I put to sleep. Today I had to say good bye to another such soul... Trapper II. I cannot express the heaviness my heart feels. Watch for his memorial web page. Good Bye pal... Love Ya!

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I have been asked what happened and I figured I might as well try to tell you all at once.

About a month ago, Trapper had a sneezing fit and his nose started to bleed. I comforted him and cleaned him up and the bleeding stopped. I didn't think much more about it. Looking back, it was then that he started "snorting" when we had our nightly cuddle and scratch session before going to sleep. He would cuddle and I would scratch (or Terry if she were here). We both thought the snorting was just becoming part of the nightly ritual. Also, he was rubbing his face with his paws (being cute was the command I had taught him) and he would rub his face on the carpet or blanket more than usual. Another thing he was doing was sleeping on his back with his paws up and leaning on my leg. I just thought this was another little trend he was going through. I don't know if all these things were a reaction to his problem but, the more I ponder them, the more I have to wonder.

On Wednesday (2.10.10) he had a sneezing and snorting episode that started his nose bleeding so badly we took him to the local emergency animal hospital. They offered very little in the way of answers OR solutions. The one thing we took away from the visit (besides a few tranquilizers to lower his blood pressure and relax him) was that the only thing this really pointed to was sinus tumor… after many questions and scenarios and possibilities… still the prognosis was dire. I held out hope that they were wrong. I composed an extensive letter to Doc Frizzell with a scan of the Vet invoice and a couple pictures of Trapper (nobody could ascertain anything from those photos) during the episode and email it over for his analysis. Doc conferred with another surgeon and could offer no more than we had without actually seeing Trapper. Our primary care vet recently closed her office and decent replacement had yet to be found. I called an old friend in the area and was directed to a small town vet down the road.

Today, without any adverse episodes, we took Trapper for a follow up visit to this new Vet. Everything seemed normal. We got there and went into the exam room and the gal came in to get his temp and he got a little worked up and then started to sneeze, violent sneezes… then the blood started. Worse than ever the blood flew with every sneeze. He shook his head and more blood. The Doctor agreed to an x-ray and examination… they sedated Trapper and we waited. After a long agonizing and tearful half hour or so, they showed us the x-rays and they showed NOTHING. Trapper was still bleeding and it was filling his lungs, they inserted a tube to remove the blood… After discussing the prognosis with the Doctor and with Mom and with Terry… I made the call that his quality of life would be the dice were would be throwing… sure the cost would be high but, Mom indicated that she would help but, even IF it were a tumor and IF they could successfully remove it, there was a chance it might be malignant and therefore he might have 6 more months and no guarantee his quality of life would be anything but miserable. After all this information, we found out that Trapper had lost so much blood he would need a blood transfusion just to get him to a facility that could perform the scoping test and the surgery and he still might not be a candidate for the whole procedure due to his loss of blood. It was obvious that the only thing to do was to make sure he did not suffer. As Doc Frizzell pointed out in a kind email “At least we know in our hearts that we did all we could, and we didn't let the pet suffer so that we could keep them around for OUR sakes.”

I called Timothy to let him know of our loss and he was not home but, his mother told him and he called and was crying as badly as I was. I sat down to write this email and he called again… he was online searching for a dog for me… I suggested that it might be a little soon to be looking for another… Tim said “Dad you need a dog!!” Oh boy, more tears. Terry has tried to offer comfort and as I told Mom… she is crying as much or more than me!! Ha-ha, some help!

Not many moments have passed without tightness in my throat or a tear in my eye. I expect to hear his tags jingle on his collar. I move my chair back from the desk and look back to make sure I’m not going to roll over one of his big teddy bear paws. And when I go to bed tonight there will be those empty moments when he would normally climb up the chair to the bed for our cuddle session. I know this will all pass with time and most likely there will be a Trapper III… but until then, I guess that Tim, Terry and I and all that loved the little guy will do what we all do after a great loss… survive.

Love and thanks,